The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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