I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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