his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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