if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Someone signed my nipple.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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