Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
