Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
