my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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