bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
