I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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