I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
