So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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