dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
