so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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