i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
