Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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