dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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