Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
