You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
