Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
