I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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