My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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