he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
