This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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