anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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