Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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