Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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