Can i not drive my cunt home
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
