The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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