Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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