god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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