did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
