im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
