just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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