u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
