Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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