Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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