i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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