i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
