it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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