Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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