his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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