i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
