Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
