I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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