keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
