Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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Responsibility does not care about your dick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
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I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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