Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
