there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
