I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
