It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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