i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
