Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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