Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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