Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Green mimosas i think yes
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
is it fun? or sober?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
