My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
