watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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