My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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