there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
