Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
