You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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