Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.