if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
True strength comes from lack of pants
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
