Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
