And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
