If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
